Nude Punishment Enforced By Law [fiction]

[wicked]

Here is my second story. It is going to have some strong language in it. If you find it offensive, that's fine. You don't have to read it. You can either like it or hate it, relate to it or criticize it.

Anyway, you have been told.

[wicked]

....I can not see a damn thing. I don't even give a fuck. I don't want to see a single damn thing. Besides, I already know what is in front of me. A bottle of empty pills that have been sitting there for too long.... a new fresh bottle of fukin vodka that is half gone.... and some bullets. No gun.
Now why the phuck isn't there a gun? Son of a bitch! F'ing hell. Good. That way I won't see that there is no gun that I can't shoot myself with. My fuckin misery will get better because of that.
I'm sitting alone in my dark room. The damn curtains are shut. I covered the damn window sill with so much cardboard that light cannot get the hell in. The river of phuking tears cannot be seen. It is too dark too see it, as visions of my life flash before me. I was not meant to be here. You are all bastards. Burn in hell.
You want to know what is making me say this shit? How about my “dad”? Go find him and kill the bastard. I don't know where he is. He was too busy setting out to fly to China to find a fucking penny he lost there when I was 8. He still hasn't returned because that's how stupid he is. A penny is more important to him.
And my “mom”. Don't you DARE get me started! She is the rudest and loudest bitch you will ever meet.
I don't care if you find me offensive. If you find this offensive, then you are cursed with love and happiness you sick bastard.
And if I do not find a girl soon to keep me sane, I know exactly where to find a gun.

[kate]

pretty strong words u use. i dont think this is off to the best start, but im curious to see how he gets the nude punishment enforced by the law. in the next post i think u should tell us y this character is so mad and what the characters name, gender, and all of that stuff is. keep on going though.

[erick92]

Indeed the language is strong, but I do want to see where this is going to go. The start is very interesting, and does leave you with a lot of questions. Hope to see more soon.

[Dare861]

The language is excessive. If this were any other writer, I'd say "Fuck this."

But, given your last story, I will continue reading.

- DareDude861
Back from inactivity

[wicked]

Here I am... walking to my last class for school. This is all a huge chunk of my life put to waste. NOTHING in my GODDAMN LIFE has been good to me. I TRY to talk to girls... but my f'ing mom is such a big bitch! You won't understand unless you have been what I have been through. And my dad just HAD to fuckin' leave.... and to make things worse, because of her, I have had trouble getting a girlfriend. I don't know how to treat them right! All that is inside me is dark motherfukin rage. My “mom” made me an outkast. She could only scream, yell, bitch and swear at me, and my dad. I know exactly why he left. He could not stand the bitch anymore... and he didn't bother taking me with him... so he can rot in hell for all I care.
ANYWAY, half the time I don't give a damn if a girl even notices me... I don't get why! I WANT to talk to them, but then the rest of the time I don't give a damn!

“Everyone here today?”
“No, Chad is sick.”
“Alright....”

Mhm.

“All of you did your homework?”
A few random “Yes's”, “yups”, “yeahs”...
“Okay... can anyone tell me the answer to the first question without looking at your paper?”
“1919?”
“Wrong. Alex, what about you?”
“Mhm”
“Huh?”
“Ugh.”
“Do you have the answer?”
“No!”
“Okay...”
“Heather, you know it?”

That is how class starts pretty much every damn day. And I was sick of it on the first day. Shoot me. It doesn't even matter. I'm not trying. I'm failing every damn class. But my mom doesn't care. She pretends to though, by bitching at max volume and max rudeness.
I've been hanging onto the end of a rope. A bitch called hope. NOTHING good is going to happen to me!! I might as well just phukin' kill myself right now. No one would even care. They'll just notice my corpse like 5 weeks later. THAT is how much no one gives a phuck about me.

“Alex, could I please speak to you for a minute?”
“Mhm. About what?”
“I just want to talk with you.”

Whatever. I got the hell up and walked over to his damn desk. He talked quietly to me.
“You're not doing so well in this class, and you've only done one homework assignment.”
“Yeah....”
“Do you want to pass?”
“I don't know!”
“You don't know..?”
“I don't care.”
“You don't care? Well you should care! You will have to-”
Oh my god! Not this goddamn lecture again! I'm going to punch you right in the goddamn face if you don't shut the hell up!

“Alright Alex?”
Mhm
“Okay?”
“Yes!”
And I just walked right back to my stupid desk.

For the remaining time of class, I just sat there, not paying attention to the teacher who won't shut the hell up. And when school was finally over, I immediately left the fkng building.
And my only friends? Let me tell you about that.

A couple years ago, I was still in the same damn situation, except feeling less fukcnig rage. I came across these people dressing like gangsters smoking something by this wall.
And so what the fuck? I like said “Yo! You got any weed left?”
And so like, I got to know 'em, I had my first thing of weed, you know what I'm saying? This is when my life got better.
That's right you bastard.
The weed made me feel nothing. Nothin' at all you bastard. For the first time I didn't feel any kind of sadness, angerness, sorrowness... you know what I'm saying? And so I've been on some damn drugs since. In fact, I actually do feel good when I do it. I kinda feel happy. So yeah. F you anti-drug losers.
Pretty much my only friends, other than a few losers that I only see in the damn school. But they know nothing about me. At all. I have to lie just so people think I have a family to talk to. I'm admitting nothing to no one.
Of course, these guys know somewhat of the situation, but I can't act like this so called “emo” that losers call people who are “sad” all the time as they like to call it because they are stupid. I just have to show no emotion. They accept me. There is like 5 of them. 4 of 'em are black african dudes, the other guy a white american dude. Two of them have actually issues. But none of us have to show emotion, otherwise they are going to be fucktards and not accept us as human beings, just like my mom.
Of course, this retarded city I live in is full of fakers. But where else am I supposed to go? I pretty much have NO WHERE to turn! No one gives a shit about me.

So I'm just walking here. And there they are, smoking that damn weed. I bent down, slipped my weed out of my sock, and grabbed the lighter in my pocket.

[wicked]

Most was just explaining the background of the character and setting.
Try to feel for him.

[Sarge90]

Powerful stuff.

This is possibly one of the best written storied I've read.

The depth and insight caused a connection to this character, and you're right, I do feel for him, which is important in any story.

Keep it up, this really is amazing.

[The godfather]

Its a Really good story. The character seems real and for anyone complaining about the bad language it makes it way more realistic.

[Smile]

Hey.

I havn't read more than the first 2 paragraphs... Mainly because I can't concentrate today

But as for the swearing thing... I have nothing against swearing, it streanghens laungage, but it does get to a point when too much swearing makes it sound stupid.

I for one rarely swear, mainly because I find it a very mild form of insult to someone, and seriousness is easliy made from longer, less aggressive insults than the "Your a fucking cunt bi-atch".

Anyway, I am just saying, too much swearing can ruin something, so if I were you I would use it, just less.

Although, that might just be the first two paragraphs to build tension/emotion.

I will probably read it in a week or so

[owned]

i agree...to much swearing...i have nothing wrong with swearing i do it every single day but when you efing swear about every efing god doamn thing your efing saying it kinda ruins what your efing talking about and just makes you look like a efing god damn dumbass....and i personally like to get ot the meat of the story and leave out the characters specific details because it leaves the reader to imagine what they enjoy most especially in a sexual story wich im guessing this might be

[molten man]

nice start!! keep it going!!

[Kewl Cutie]

Strange, but good start, keep it up!

[wicked]

“And what the goddamn hell are you saying?”
“I'm saying that this will work out. That bitch deserves it. If we do it right and no one phuks it up, we can remain unsuspected.”
“Dude, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.”
“Well I'm not seeing you come up with anything better!”
“Dude! That is actually a good plan man.”
“Dude, it is phukin' dumb! It's obvious that you haven't thought of what kind of evidence would be left behind!”
“What evidence?”
“Dude, are you serious?”
“Oh wait... Oh! Now I get you... Damn it!”
“Wait, what do you mea-.... oh, right. Fuck!!”
“Exactly!”
“Guys, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I have to go get going. Peace.”
“Alright, seeya man.”
“Peace.”
“K, bye.”


And I was walking away. Sometimes I hate them. They think it's so cool to fucking act gangster. I can see it through their teeth, they are full of f'ing lies. Not those two other guys I mentioned earlier though. Those two guys are real.
Anyway, yes, that bitch does deserve what's coming to her, but it is so hard to get away with something like that. That gym teacher is fat, ugly, mean, rude, a bitch and a liar. Doesn't she have a life? AT ALL?
I'm not sure where I am even walking to! I use that excuse so much everywhere, that it became a habit. I don't know where I am going, but I am damn well sure that I am NOT going home! I have no money, I don't any plans, I don't know where anyone in the school lives... I'm fuckin' screwed. I could go back to them in like 10 minutes, and f'ing say another lie... anything that would keep me from going home! ANYTHING DAMMIT! She used to grab me, and drag me across the fucking room and lock me up in my goddamn motherfucking room until I started getting older and fighting back!! Goddammit!!!
Yeah, I forgot to mention that, the damn bitch! I'll rant on as long as I like.
Where the hell am I walking to?!
I turned my head around and saw that my friends were still there. So, I decided to take a turn at the next road, which had my house somewhere at the end of it. I took the damn turn, and walked slowly for like a minute, and turned back.
And when I got back, I turned my head to see they were still there. And I walked back to them. I was thinking about nothing as I walked to them.
They were talking about some kinda shit while smoking that shit. Took a second for anyone to notice I was back
“Dude, I thought you had to go somewhere.”
“I did, but she wasn't there.”
“A she? Who was it?”
I tried to hide my fuckin' anger. “Just..a friend I was supposed to meet. It doesn't fucking matter.” But I think they saw it anyway.
“Dude, was it a chick that lied about meeting you somewhere and never showed up?”
“Yeah, sure! Whatever! You got a lighter?”
“..wait, you have your own lighter.”
“Oh.. yes. That.”


I was walking up to the front door of my house. I grabbed the door knob, and slowly opened the door. I looked around inside. No one around. This damn place is a mess. There is garbage all over the place!
I walked inside and shut the door. I walked into the kitchen, expecting that bitch to be there drinking some alcohol shit. But wasn't there. I just opened the fridge and grabbed the milk. I grabbed the cookies, a plate, and whatever. I had like 200 cookies on the plate and like 50 cups of milk. I stood there phuking away my emptiness inside me with junk going in my mouth. This is what I do a lot. And if it wasn't for my high metabolism, I would be a fatass.
I got nothing to live for! NOTHING! All I got inside is hope that is turning into rage! It's turning me into a bitter twisted motherfucker. Why do you think so many fucking school shoot outs happen?
Whatever. I went into my room, and shut the door. I went for my closet door, opened it and grabbed my vodka, and drank it... and drank it some more... till i was phukcign drunk.
And when I am drunk, I feel better just like when I do any other drug. You know my mom doesn't give a shit.

I was watching TV and other shit for the past 2 hours drunk. I was on myspace. I hardly ever get friend requests or messages... but today I have a message. So I click the inbox....
Damn! I hear my “mom”'s car pulling in!
Come on dammit, Load! LOAD ALREADY!
....and it is a message from this hot girl in one of my classes. But I have to go!
I stop what I am doing, and go straight to my room, with the door shut. She bitches at me and says all I do all day long is use the computer and watch TV, because she's covering up the fact that she doesn't have the intelligence to say anything else, goddammit!
I sit on my bed quiet... and wait till I hear the door open and close.... footsteps.... noises of random everyday items, like shit being put down hard on the fucking counter and whatever.
I sit there with this goddamn scowl on my face. Each and every f'ing day.
And as 2,000 hours pass, I wait to hear her come to my door and say “Alex, you home?”
And half the time I say nothing. Because then she repeats, but really f'ing rude.
“Yes!!”
“Well then answer me when I ask you the first time!!”
Nothing.
“OKAY!?”
Nothing.
thabitchrepeats “OKAY!?”
I scream “OKAY!!”

You know what? Forget it. Let's fucking skip to tomorrow. You don't need to see this shit!

I smash my alarm clock with a mallet. I tear the sheets off my bed. I thrust my clothes on. I stomp out my bedroom leaving holes in the floor. I smash a bowl on the counter and drown it in cereal n milk, and gulp it with an f'in shovel, flip off mom's f'in door, and slam the front door which collapses the house.
I would stay home and check that message I got, but Sally likes to bitch if something slightly bothers her. Such as forgetting where she placed a soda can in a dream last night. If sally sees me on the computer for just two minutes just before I go to school, she calls the sonuvabitch police and says I kidnapped the governor.
I really need to read that message!

[Norse Fire]

This is a really good story. The only critical thing I have to say is just to ease up on the swearing a bit to add emphasis for when you do use it.

P.S. Where did you get your inspiration for this character?