[wicked]

Here I am... walking to my last class for school. This is all a huge chunk of my life put to waste. NOTHING in my GODDAMN LIFE has been good to me. I TRY to talk to girls... but my f'ing mom is such a big bitch! You won't understand unless you have been what I have been through. And my dad just HAD to fuckin' leave.... and to make things worse, because of her, I have had trouble getting a girlfriend. I don't know how to treat them right! All that is inside me is dark motherfukin rage. My “mom” made me an outkast. She could only scream, yell, bitch and swear at me, and my dad. I know exactly why he left. He could not stand the bitch anymore... and he didn't bother taking me with him... so he can rot in hell for all I care.
ANYWAY, half the time I don't give a damn if a girl even notices me... I don't get why! I WANT to talk to them, but then the rest of the time I don't give a damn!

“Everyone here today?”
“No, Chad is sick.”
“Alright....”

Mhm.

“All of you did your homework?”
A few random “Yes's”, “yups”, “yeahs”...
“Okay... can anyone tell me the answer to the first question without looking at your paper?”
“1919?”
“Wrong. Alex, what about you?”
“Mhm”
“Huh?”
“Ugh.”
“Do you have the answer?”
“No!”
“Okay...”
“Heather, you know it?”

That is how class starts pretty much every damn day. And I was sick of it on the first day. Shoot me. It doesn't even matter. I'm not trying. I'm failing every damn class. But my mom doesn't care. She pretends to though, by bitching at max volume and max rudeness.
I've been hanging onto the end of a rope. A bitch called hope. NOTHING good is going to happen to me!! I might as well just phukin' kill myself right now. No one would even care. They'll just notice my corpse like 5 weeks later. THAT is how much no one gives a phuck about me.

“Alex, could I please speak to you for a minute?”
“Mhm. About what?”
“I just want to talk with you.”

Whatever. I got the hell up and walked over to his damn desk. He talked quietly to me.
“You're not doing so well in this class, and you've only done one homework assignment.”
“Yeah....”
“Do you want to pass?”
“I don't know!”
“You don't know..?”
“I don't care.”
“You don't care? Well you should care! You will have to-”
Oh my god! Not this goddamn lecture again! I'm going to punch you right in the goddamn face if you don't shut the hell up!

“Alright Alex?”
Mhm
“Okay?”
“Yes!”
And I just walked right back to my stupid desk.

For the remaining time of class, I just sat there, not paying attention to the teacher who won't shut the hell up. And when school was finally over, I immediately left the fkng building.
And my only friends? Let me tell you about that.

A couple years ago, I was still in the same damn situation, except feeling less fukcnig rage. I came across these people dressing like gangsters smoking something by this wall.
And so what the fuck? I like said “Yo! You got any weed left?”
And so like, I got to know 'em, I had my first thing of weed, you know what I'm saying? This is when my life got better.
That's right you bastard.
The weed made me feel nothing. Nothin' at all you bastard. For the first time I didn't feel any kind of sadness, angerness, sorrowness... you know what I'm saying? And so I've been on some damn drugs since. In fact, I actually do feel good when I do it. I kinda feel happy. So yeah. F you anti-drug losers.
Pretty much my only friends, other than a few losers that I only see in the damn school. But they know nothing about me. At all. I have to lie just so people think I have a family to talk to. I'm admitting nothing to no one.
Of course, these guys know somewhat of the situation, but I can't act like this so called “emo” that losers call people who are “sad” all the time as they like to call it because they are stupid. I just have to show no emotion. They accept me. There is like 5 of them. 4 of 'em are black african dudes, the other guy a white american dude. Two of them have actually issues. But none of us have to show emotion, otherwise they are going to be fucktards and not accept us as human beings, just like my mom.
Of course, this retarded city I live in is full of fakers. But where else am I supposed to go? I pretty much have NO WHERE to turn! No one gives a shit about me.

So I'm just walking here. And there they are, smoking that damn weed. I bent down, slipped my weed out of my sock, and grabbed the lighter in my pocket.