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Old 01-15-2009, 04:07 PM   #3
interesting
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Remember this, my 'wicked' friend (ahahaha); given the age of your characters, I wouldn't delve too far into 'perversions'. Stick with G or PG stuff and you should be fine.

I enjoy the internal monologue and the constant beating himself up over the ideas in his head. Having been in his shoes in the past, exposed to the same kind of ideas while I was babysitting, I do understand how thoughts like these can come along, and so it made the story believable to me.

There were some narrative incongruities (not sure when time actually lapses) and some typos and grammatical errors, so you should work on that a little.

Otherwise, a promising start.
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